No, it's not The Onion.
(Honestly, I had to check the logo to be sure.) This, sadly enough, is real life.
Kerry saves Hamster
"As the cage sank beneath the waves, Alexandra continued, her father - the future Democratic nominee for president - 'grabbed an oar, fished the cage from the water, hunched over the soggy hamster and began to administer CPR.'"
"As the cage sank beneath the waves, Alexandra continued, her resolute and fearless father - the future Democratic nominee for president - , not acting the least bit aloof or distant, but demonstrating the unique combination of compassion and determination that our country needs, with a gutteral roar, as if re-enacting his heroic actions of Vietnam, 'grabbed an oar with firm resolve, fished the cage from the water with determined leadership, hunched over the soggy hamster and began to administer CPR, showing that he, unlike his opponent, is ready and willing to fight on behalf of the little guy.'"
Excuse me while I kneel over a toilet for a few minutes.
# posted by Jamie : 8:51 AM